Block Party
by espergirl04
Summary: AU. Ray made a mental note to thank Brett for dragging him along to that block party because meeting Neela was the best and worst thing to ever happen. NeelaRay.


Okay, so this is really AU as in Ray doesn't work at the hospital and instead has his band…normally I don't write things quite this AU but somehow I really like how it turned out. It's a fic that was inspired greatly by the song Buzzin' by Shwayze which I randomly heard on the radio one day while flipping through channels. Lyrics from various songs are interspersed throughout as transitions. And I should mention that there is some profanity.

Disclaimer: I don't own ER or the characters…

* * *

_I met her at a backyard block party by the bar, and she kept looking at me like she knew who I was…_

He really didn't want to be there. Oh sure, he wanted to party but Brett had dragged him to some backyard block party when _he_ had wanted to go to a sick tripped out loft. But Brett had _insisted_ they go and right now Ray was left wondering why. Seriously. Why. None of it was very Brett. Well except for the girls running around in bikinis tops and impossibly short shorts, yeah, that could explain it. Seeing Brett wrapped up with two blondes he smirked, definitely explained it.

Realizing that he couldn't spend all night standing around he made his way to the bar, immediately aware of the girls who were trying to catch his eye. Nothing new, girls were trying to catch his eye all the time, at least the ones who recognized him. They'd been performing at more and more clubs and bars around Chicago and since then it seemed like every party he went to there someone who new him.

As he grabbed a beer he noticed one girl in particular, she was leaning against the bar looking decidedly bored. Her dark hair spilled down in waves around her shoulders and contrasted beautifully with the red extremely low cut halter top she was wearing. Her black jean skirt hugged her tightly and he couldn't help but stare. There was something about her; something that despite the way she was dressed showed her innocence. Maybe it was the way she was rolling her eyes as the guy who had been trying to chat her up turned away, obviously put off. Dark eyes met his and she gave a wry grin despite the fact her cheeks had turned a shade that nearly outshone her shirt.

It only took a moment before her smile dropped and her eyes widened in recognition but instead of coming over to talk to him like most girls at the party would have, she turned away. Then he noticed it, her shoulders were shaking slightly…she was…she was _laughing_. At him. That was not something he was going to let her get away with.

Taking his drink along with him he leaned up against the bar, spreading his arms out casually on either side. "So, you're laughing at me? That hurts." He couldn't help but smile as she jumped in surprise, turning around to face him.

She managed to choke back her laughter and shook her head, "No no, nothing like that. It's just…well, you wouldn't remember me I'm sure."

Oh he was pretty sure that he would have remembered her because, one, she was gorgeous in a natural exotic coffee colored kind of way. And two she was definitely speaking with a British accent that just added to the hotness that was her. "I know you?"

"We worked together, briefly that is. In fact I'm quite positive that it was only for a twelve hour shift and then you very dramatically stripped off your scrub top, threw it on the ground, and walked out after Weaver berated you. Something about having your tattoos in plain view of the patients and not scrubbing off your black nail polish." She tilted her head slightly as if waiting for a reply.

Oh. OH. He had almost forgotten about that little stint in the ER at County General. Then it hit him. "Neela right? Doctor Rasgotra. The one who almost took my head off when I told you that you were wrong?"

The blush was back. "Yes, I believe that was me."

So he was correct. Which baffled him even further, what the hell was Dr. Neela Rasgotra doing at a party. Unless he had drastically misjudged her when they had first met, this was not the type of place he ever would have pictured her hanging around. So he said as much and she regarded him carefully before motioning towards a tall model-esque girl who looked like she could possibly be related to. "That's my cousin. She came for a visit and she's leaving tomorrow and of course she managed to make more friends in a week than I managed to make in the years that I've lived here and she said I just 'absolutely had to come because it'll be so smashing!'" Her voice had gone up at the end which he took as an impression of her cousin and he couldn't help but laugh. He had a feeling she was pretty accurate.

"I got dragged here too if it makes you feel any better."

"At least you didn't have to come looking like this," she gestured down towards her clothes and frowned. "I hate mini-skirts."

He thought of saying something about how she shouldn't because her legs were amazing but he figured that something like that would end the conversation. Instead he said, "I am wearing make-up though," he winked at her, referring to the copious amount of black eyeliner he had on.

This caused her to laugh again, "Very true."

They stood in awkward silence for a moment, he had no idea what to say next and she was beginning to look like she thought talking to him had been a mistake. Before she could make up some excuse he straightened up. "Hey, how about we both get out of here?" He was not going to let the opportunity pass him by, not with someone like her.

But apparently the world was not on his side because she slowly shook her head, "Actually I should probably get going…I have work in the morning."

Damn. Good excuse. "All right, who knows, maybe I'll see you around sometime."

She smiled that smile that people used when they were trying to humor someone. "Maybe you will."

And with that she walked off. He cursed himself for not asking for her number. Although he did end up the next morning with someone's number scrawled across a napkin on his kitchen table with Nicole written across the top followed by "call me sometime XO." Then he tossed it in the trash and that was that.

_All in all it's the perfect scene and there's not anywhere that I would rather be…_

The smoky darkness was brightened by interspersed bursts of colored light and he wouldn't have seen her except for the fact that a very distracting purple light landed straight on her and he nearly forgot the rest of the lyrics. Because he honestly had thought that he would never see her again. But there she was in the audience dancing along with the rest of the crowd. After a few more moments of agonizing he managed to get himself back into the song and it wasn't until after they were finished that he allowed himself to think of her again. Which led to him practically jumping off the stage and pushing past girls who were all grabbing at him in order to find her. She was on her way out the door but he caught her arm, "So Doc, didn't think I'd see you again."

The tension that had seemed to run through her eased at his voice and she turned, smiling. "I didn't think I'd see you again either, but I had to hear what all the fuss was about."

"Huh?" People were pushing past them now and he maneuvered her into a corner. Which she surprisingly didn't seem to mind all that much.

"People at work kept talking about your band so I decided that I would come see for myself what they were going on about." She smiled innocently up at him, "I'm not sure that I agree with them."

That piqued his interest. "What do you mean?"

Her grin was scarily reminiscent of Brett's when he was up to no good. "Oh nothing…just that they kept talking about how amazing the lead singer was and all."

It took him a few seconds to realize that she was joking and as she laughed he laughed and then before he could stop himself he reached and gently punched her on the shoulder. Having barely talked to her he wasn't sure if she was ok with the contact but she just shook her head, black hair catching the light. "I was only joking. You were…surprisingly good."

Surprisingly? "Thanks for the vote of confidence." And as he stood there looking down at her in her black spaghetti strap shirt and jeans he knew he couldn't let her get away again. "So how about you and I get out of here."

She bit her lip, "Don't you have a party to go?"

He did, but he'd skip it if it meant hanging out with her. The thought of inviting her to go hadn't really appealed to him, he didn't know why but for some reason he wanted to…protect her. And dragging her along to a party with a bunch of punk rockers would probably not end well. Well it might end well but not in her opinion. Which would mean it wouldn't end well for him because if she was unhappy then technically it would be his fault. "I do, but I might be persuaded to get out of it."

It wasn't apparent to him whether or not she had been drinking but somehow she seemed bolder tonight because she gave him a nod, "All right then, what did you have in mind?"

Yeah, he hadn't thought that far ahead because he hadn't thought that she'd actually go for it. That was why they ended up sitting in a seedy bar listening to really bad jukebox music…except that didn't matter, because they had been talking non-stop since they'd gotten there. He now knew that she could play the viola, was a self-proclaimed bad cook, and had been the book worm in high school. She might not know it but he had also figured out that she was intelligent, beautiful without realizing it, and that she had an amazing smile. As she finished telling her story about the patient she had had the other day, he leaned slightly towards her. "So are you glad you decided to come with me tonight? Or are you regretting the fact since I took you to one of the sketchiest bars in the city."

Her smile was genuine this time. "Despite the fact this place gives me the creeps, there's no where else that I'd rather be right now."

"And if I asked you if you'd go out to dinner with me sometime then you'd say yes?" For the first time he actually felt nervous about asking someone out on a date. Well, at least since high school. After that all the girls he'd asked out he either didn't really care all that much what they said or he knew they'd say yes because he was Ray Barnett and he played the guitar and sang in a band and was the epitome of hot punk guy. Not that he was cocky or arrogant…maybe just a little, but he had known that those girls would say yes but he wasn't so sure this one would. Her answer he actually cared about.

She regarded him carefully. "I think I would. Are you asking?"

Hell yes he was asking. "I am."

"Then yes, I will." She must have noticed him pulling out his cell phone because she gave him her number.

Ha! He had gotten her number after all. Which he was going to make good use of. Debating whether or not he should push his luck and ask if she wanted to come back to his apartment, he decided against it. For one thing if she went back to his apartment tonight she'd have to have a lot more alcohol in her in order to be able to ignore the dingy mess. For another she wasn't the kind of girl he wanted to have a one night stand with and he was pretty sure, judging by the fiery reaction he'd received from her that one day he'd worked in the ER, he was pretty sure that she really would have slapped him if he tried anything. "Then I guess I'll call you sometime?"

Bent over to collect her things she looked up and he had a full view down her shirt, she seemed to notice where his eyes had wandered because she gave him a wicked grin, "I guess you will."

It had to have been the alcohol. Damn.

_You tell me that you're sorry, didn't think I'd turn around and say, now it's too late to apologize, it's too late, I said it's too late to apologize…it's too late…_

He really honestly had no idea what made him do it. So he had a theory but that was it, just a theory. All right so admittedly he had freaked out.

The first date they went on, besides to bar if that even counted, had been when he'd called her up the next day and told her to dress comfortably because he was picking her up that night. And he had and when they went to his apartment instead of out to a restaurant she had looked like maybe she had made a mistake and glanced at him like he was a crazy stalker. Until he led her upstairs and she gasped with delight and amusement when she saw Chinese take out laid out on paper plates on the newly vacuumed floor. "I remember how you told me of your obsession with Chinese food."

And then when he'd popped the movie in she had glared at him, fork halfway to her mouth. "Then you should also remember that I absolutely hate scary movies."

"But how do you know you'll hate the Exorcist when you've never seen it before?"

She grimaced, "I hate _you_ right now…just remember that you're the one who has to put up with me during the scary parts.

"Fine by me."

That date had lead to more dates which had lead to long make out sessions which had one morning lead to her waking up in his bed yelling at him about how she was late for work. Which had led to more nights together which had then led to his freak out.

Because he had never felt this serious about a girl before. It had taken a lot of convincing and pitiful expressions to get her to go on a second date with him because as it turned out his initial sum up of Neela had been correct. She was sweet and innocent but somehow he managed to convince her that what they had was real.

And then after realizing that he not only liked her but was in_ love_ with her he had quit calling, quit answering her calls. He'd started back up with the partying and boozing which he'd laid off on once they'd started dating. He'd started back up with groupies and the one night stands. He'd started back up with the life he'd had before he'd met her and managed to nearly erase her from his life.

Except she was always there, nagging at him. When he slept with other women he felt guilty, when he drank that one drink too many he felt guilty. When he woke up he felt guilty because she wasn't there.

So finally after months of trying to ignore the fact that he had ever met her he called her up again. "Hey, listen…I'm sure you're pretty pissed at me and you have all the right to be but I'm sorry and I was wondering if you wanted to go out tonight."

There was silence on the other end and he thought for a second she had hung up on him but then she said, "Oh my God, please tell me you're joking. You think that saying _sorry_ is going to get you out of this one? Against my better judgment I started dating you because I mistakenly thought that you were different. But you weren't, were you? Got what you wanted and then tossed me to the side. It's been months since you've called, let me guess…your supply of women ran out for the moment so you decided to give me a ring? It's over Ray and it is much too late to apologize."

There was a click and he started down at the flashing call ended on the screen. He guessed he deserved it but really, he couldn't stand it. Because he was still in love with her and he had a feeling that if that fact had changed by now then it wasn't going to change anytime soon and he needed her.

Hoping that she wasn't going to get a restraining order against him he showed up at the hospital the next day, asking the massive older guy at the desk, who he vaguely remembered, if she was there. The man, he thought his name was Fred… no Frank, looked him up and down then shrugged, "Yeah, she's here…but if you're that Ray kid then you'd better run now while you still have the chance. Or stay, you'll be closer to medical help."

Great, so everyone in this place knew about him. He looked around and caught a glimpse of her and she apparently saw him because she made her way over, a murderous expression on her face. "What the hell do you think you're doing here?" Her voice was dangerously low and he took an involuntary step back.

Maybe this had been a bad idea. "Listen Neela, I'm really sorry about the way I acted…it was childish and immature but I still care about you and I wanted you to know that."

She looked disgusted, "We are not getting back together and we never will get back together. You're an asshole Ray." Her expression softened, "Look, I should have known what I was getting myself into, maybe it's just who you are but I can't deal with it, all right? I can't deal with you being there one moment and then gone the next until you decide that our relationship is convenient for you. Besides, I've moved on Ray…and I know you did."

It wasn't what he wanted to hear, at all. But he knew it was what he deserved and at least he had escaped unscathed. "I really am sorry Neela."

Her eyes were piercing and held his before she gave a grim smile. "I know you are. Now let's call it quits before one of us gets mad, yeah?"

He really didn't want to, he wanted to fix it, to make up for it…he wanted her, needed her. But he just nodded. "Yeah." Then remembering what he had said that first time they had met, well outside of the hospital, he gave her a shrug. "Maybe I'll see you around sometime."

This time she shook her head, "I doubt it."

_Losing you is like living in a world with no air…tell me how I'm supposed to breath with no air, can't live can't breath with no air…_

The first thing he was aware of was blinding flashes of blue and red light, the harsh whine of multiple sirens, and overwhelming pain. As he shifted he could feel bones grating and sticky warmth pooling underneath him on the pavement. Shit. He could have sworn he had been in a car. What the hell. Oh shit. Shit. Wait, wait…he could remember the seatbelt getting cut away, could remember someone hauling him out the window. There was someone standing over him now, asking him questions but he couldn't concentrate. They were asking for his name maybe? Or…his head was fuzzy. He couldn't think, they were lifting him now and the questions were still coming but then all he could see was black.

The second time he woke he was faced with bright lights of a hallway and people yelling around him and one distinctive voice coming from above and for a second he thought that maybe he'd died because he could vaguely remember her telling him that they wouldn't be seeing each other again.

"Oh God, Ray can you hear me? Ray? Please, Ray. Hang on all right? You're going to be just fine…just…" her voice was breaking and he realized that it was because she was sobbing. He wanted to say something to comfort her but his tongue didn't seem to be on the same wavelengths as his brain.

Then there was another female voice saying, "Neela you're way too close to this, get out."

"Just let me stay all right? I swear that I won't touch a thing just let me stay, I have to stay." Her voice was nearing hysterics by now.

An accented male voice answered her. "All right you can stay but don't touch _anything_, do you hear me?"

Good, somehow knowing that she was there made him feel a million times better. If only he could tell her he was sorry one more time. If only he could tell her how he really felt. Things were going dark again and he could see vividly the backyard block party, could see her leaning up against the bar, her red face, her grin. He could see her that night in the club, the light shining on her, the way that she moved her hips. He could see her that night in the bar, leaning over and looking up at him. That night in his living room as she clutched his arm, nails digging in when a scary part came on. Could feel her against him that first time they kissed. He could almost taste her. He could see her waking up in bed next to him, the slow smile that came to her face and the way she had laughed when he had rolled on top of her despite her protests that she would be late. He thanked God that memories of her were the last thing he would see before he died.

Hazily he blinked and realization set in that he wasn't dead because he had a feeling that death wouldn't involve a hospital bed. Then he became aware of a silky pressure on his hand he looked down to find dark hair sprawled across the sheets. He moved slightly and she jumped, rubbing sleep from her eyes. She looked tired. "You okay?" his voice was hoarse and barely audible so he cleared his throat and repeated the question.

She looked at him like he was crazy. "You're the one who almost died and you're asking me if I'm okay? Are you okay?"

He'd been better he had to admit. "I'm alive, so I guess that's a yes. What happened?" He was still a little confused about it all.

Her face was strained and he almost regretted the question. "You were in a car accident…you had surgery…we uh, we almost lost you but you should be fine…I mean, you will be fine."

If he hadn't remembered being pulled from the car he would have sworn that he'd been run over repeatedly. "How long have I been out?"

"About three days." Her hand was resting on his and he took it, squeezing it lightly.

"And you've been sitting here all that time?"

She looked slightly embarrassed, "Well no. Not when I was working at least. Brett's been here a lot, so have the rest of the guys."

Despite her denial he had a feeling that when she wasn't working she'd been in the room whether sitting with him or sleeping. "Neela…"

Tears were coming to her eyes and she brushed them away. "You know, when they brought you in I thought you were dead…and it was like I couldn't breathe because I couldn't remember how without you there…what we had Ray…" she trailed off and he felt like an ass. He never should have broken things off between them the way he did.

"It's okay Neela…I'm here now."

She smiled sadly. He found out later that she still had that boyfriend she had mentioned. He couldn't say he liked the guy. Tony Gates. When he'd come to check in on Ray he had made it a point to mention that Neela was _his girl_ now. And when Neela had wandered in during the check up Gates had practically dragged her rather possessively from the room when everything was done.

Yeah, he hated the guy.

And he hated being stuck in the hospital bed. It was only when he was back at home that he realized the only thing he hated more than being confined to a hospital bed was not having Neela around. He felt her pain, without her he couldn't remember how breathe.

_I know you got a man but this is what you should say, why don't you tell him that I'm leaving never to come back again, found somebody who does it better than he can, no more making you cry, no more gray skies…girl you deserve nothing but the best…_

They started hanging out, he wasn't sure how it happened but it did. Coffee after her shift ended and drinks after his gigs, but coffee was just coffee and drinks were just drinks because she was still seeing that Gates guy. This annoyed him to no end, not because she was dating someone else but because of how she more often than not would end up in tears over something the jerk had done. Seriously, when they had first started dating the guy hadn't even told her that he was still living with his "ex" and that he had a pseudo-daughter. Relationships that started out like that just couldn't run smoothly no matter how much Neela tried to iron out the wrinkles.

She deserved better and it pissed him off because _he _could have done better except he'd completely jerked her around. Actually when he thought about it the whole not calling her and sleeping around had made him a pretty shitty boyfriend. He was almost as bad as or worse than Gates.

He looked at Neela who was sitting across from him, her hair pulled back into a messy ponytail that was on the verge of releasing her waves completely and he saw the dark circles under her eyes. The thing was that there was a tiredness in her eyes that he suspected had nothing to do with the fact that she was physically exhausted. It was the look of someone who was through with fighting and had given in. The type of tiredness that told him that the reason she was still with Gates was because it had become routine and while not exactly comfortable she had gotten used to it.

Her eyes hadn't been like that she had been with him. No, they had been bright and excited. They had shone when she'd go to his gigs, one time they had been sparkling with mirth when she'd come decked out what he was pretty positive was a child sized Metallica shirt, ripped jeans, and a spiked wristband. He'd seen amusement and excitement in them; he'd seen laughter and smiles. The only time he'd seen them tired was after she pulled a double shift and then got sucked into another trauma, and even then they hadn't completely lost their happiness. But now, now she looked weary and it showed in her eyes and it hurt him to know that he very well may have added to it.

Then one night she showed up at his door and he let her in, wrapping her in a hug as she murmured something about a fight she had gotten into with Gates. She was damp and shivering from the rain and was wearing what he guessed was what she had been planning to sleep in. An old sweatshirt with the collar cut off and shorts that were so short they nearly disappeared under it. He pushed her into the bathroom and tossed one of his shirts at her.

She emerged showered and still wet minus the shivering and he lifted his arm so she could slide onto the couch next to him. He wasn't sure how long they sat in silence but he could tell that right now she didn't need him to say anything, just him being there was enough for her. And then he couldn't hold it in anymore and he nudged her slightly and she looked up at him, her eyes questioning.

"Neela…I can't take this anymore."

Her eyes widened slightly and she got ready to stand, "I'm sorry, I should have realized…it's late and I always come crying to you and-"

"No, nothing like that. I just can't stand seeing you like this anymore. You're miserable, you know you can't deny it…and even though you might not believe it, I hate seeing you miserable."

Lowering her head into her hands she groaned. "What am I supposed to do?"

Something told him not to say it, it was pragmatically wrong but he said it anyways. "Break it off with him. I don't know him all that well but I know you and I know that you aren't happy. And you deserve the best."

Pulling her knees into her chest she glanced up at him, "Like you?"

"I never said that. We both know the kind of guy I am." He hated to admit it, but maybe way back when she had been right about him.

Then something happened, she shook her head. "You've changed, Ray. You may still look the same with your tattoos and spiked hair and all that, but you've changed."

_If you just realized what I just realized then we'd be perfect for each other we'd never find another…_

It had been three years since he'd seen her at that party and now here they were again. Different place, different setting, but he showed up at a party at Brett's insistence and there she was leaning up against the bar. This time she was talking to someone, he remembered her name was Abby, and he had a feeling that Neela had dragged her along to prevent being subjected to endless boredom.

Ray glanced at Brett, "Did you know she was going to be here?"

Brett looked cagey and started to edge away, "I might have invited her. She broke up with Gates awhile back and I figured she needed to get out and have some fun."

He had known about the break up but how did Brett know? "You talked to her?"

"Well yeah, I mean she was at the apartment enough back when you guys dated. We ended up having breakfast together a few times."

How he had never heard this before was beyond him and he could feel jealousy rising but he pushed it back. What happened had happened and he knew that if Neela had thought it was important she would have told him. "So you guys never…"

Laughing, Brett sobered pretty quickly. "Wait, that was a serious question? She was in love with you dude, I thought you knew that."

Realization set in pretty quickly, he was an idiot. And he had no more time to waste because there was a tall clean cut good looking guy heading towards her. He managed to intercept and slid up next to her, giving Abby a nod and a hey. Neela gave him a hug while Abby made some excuse and headed towards another group of people.

"How've you been?" He asked her, not really sure what else to say.

"Since you saw me last night you mean?" There was laughter in her voice and she raised her eyebrows.

He ran a hand through his hair, they'd had lunch together the day before. "Uh yeah, since then."

"I've been good, you?"

This was it, he couldn't wait any longer. "Also good, because I realized something. And that is that I love you Neela. I know that it might sound…creepy…stalkerish, whatever. But I do…and maybe you don't feel the same way about me but I can't…I can't let the opportunity pass itself up, I would never be able to live with myself if I let you go without a chance. I realize that last time we were together I did something that isn't easy to forgive but I did it because I was scared. What we had together scared me but now I can't think of anything that I want more."

Looking away, she bit her lip and then finally she looked up at him. "Ray…I...I forgave you along time ago. It took me awhile, yes, but you aren't the same person that you were."

Was she saying what he thought she was saying? "So if I kissed you now…"

She wrapped her arms around his neck, "I wouldn't mind."

He made a mental note to thank Brett for dragging him to that block party three years ago.

* * *

Buzzin'-Shwayze

The Perfect Scene-Mercy Mercedes

No Air-Jordan Sparks

Leavin'-Jesse Mccartney

Realize-Colbie Caillat

What did you think?


End file.
